Beautiful catastrophe

Do you remember those days my love?

The days when we could move our body til’ the sun came up

Our bodies moved in rhythm like no one was watching

The days of our agility

When we could crease the sheets and not wake up with a back ache

When you mastered the contours of my skin and in return had your fingers coated with my honey

When my body responded to you quicker than I could say yes

When we could not sit still in the same room

We laughed, cried and got wasted fearlessly

You were my anchor and I was yours

Do you remember those days my love?

We had our tough days when not even love could save us

But sex could

We fought just to make up

We had mastered each others bodies

In an unexplainable way

You could never keep your hands off me

We made our friends mad because we were a constant reminder of their failed situationships

We knew love and love knew us

I waited and love landed on me

You landed on me

Do you remember those days my love?

We woke up one day and we were thirty

You suggested we settle down

I told you you don’t have to say it twice baby

Our wedding was as glamorous as we felt

We didn’t have to worry about your parents liking me because they loved me and so did mine, you

We never wanted that day to end as we flew away to our honeymoon

Even though our professions could not allow, we always made time for each other

Isn’t that how we got that far despite the spells of doom from spectators?

We were the perfect, happy married couple

With nothing but favor to look forward to

Do you remember those days my love?

But now…

Now you barely look at me

You barely talk to me

You don’t touch me anymore

It’s been a year since you last touched me

Now I regret supporting the decision to buy the largest bed the supermarket had

The same bed has grown into miles

I barely sleep because I’m cold on most nights having gotten used to your strong arms wrapped around me

I hate the ambience in the house after you get home

Some nights I lie about having a night shifts because I cannot stand to see you like that

Like someone I never knew

I’m I supposed to embrace this cold stranger just so we can pretend to be happy to our family and friends?

I am tired of the lies and the hypocrisy

Do you remember when you used to love me?

We used to banter about having children

You wanted 3, I wanted 2

We giggled about it because we couldn’t fathom being responsible for other adults

We were only open to the idea

I recall how much I wasn’t opposed to the idea

Because what would be better than having your look alike?

You’re all I wanted to see and be with

We were goofy

But we had each other

Do you remember those days my love?

Now I’m pale and sickly

I barely eat

My appetite is a thing of the past

These injections are wearing me down, making me ghost of who I used to be

But you’re too busy killing yourself with work to notice

My performance at work has become suboptimal because I can only pick a struggle

I wish one of the struggles wasn’t you

You abandoned me when I needed you the most

You let me visit the clinics alone

You leave all the injections to me

Do you know how inflicting pain on oneself intentionally is extremely difficult?

The bathroom has become my site of solace in this massive mansion

I have cried rivers there… For us

For you

This has become my preoccupation

It’s taking a toll on my physical and mental health

Stop punishing me and support me

It’s not my fault I’m unable to conceive

It’s not my fault I cannot give you babies

At least I’m trying to fix us

Are you?