Do you fight in your relationship?

Do you think some people only feel truly alive in the presence of conflict? Both internal and external. Do some people thrive on it? I have these, what you would call a power couple, neighbors who at first glance resemble any ordinary couple you’d see going around and about their business. They’re cohabiting and the lady is a stay-at-home girlfriend or wife. Didn’t the court rule the other day that come-we-stay is proof of marriage?

Not to digress, it’s a war zone in my area of residence. Every morning and evening. As soon as the guy gets home in the evening, not more than 5minutes later and its shouting and yelling and utensils being thrown around and physical abuse. It’s a pity these walls are not soundproof because they sure are not bashed to air their dirty linen in public. What baffles me is, what is it that two people could fight about yesterday, today, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow that is incapable of being resolved that they have to reiterate the argument daily? Its disturbing to hear people verbally fighting and even physically and you’re not in a position to interfere also its toxic to the children around. How does this affect children exposed to violence in their own homes or in their areas of residence growing up? I read an article by Troy Onyango a while and the protagonist had grown up watching the father physically abuse his mother and in his adult life, after marrying, he made a habit of beating the daylight out of his wife every dusk. He would come home, drunk or not, and start hurling insults and throwing blows at the wife. In his mind, he only knew to express love with violence. To him, love did not exist where violence didn’t. Sad, right? Disturbing too.

What baffles me is why would two adults consent to live together disharmoniously? This is how people die! It starts with verbal abuse, then a slap here and here, next it’s punches being thrown and next thing you now, someone slips into unconsciousness never to come to again.

Domestic violence is a real issue amongst us and we need to find ways to address this issue to reduce the mortality rate in both parties involved. This mortality rate is increased by both physical and psychological factors. You should see the guy walking around, he’s usually agitated for no apparent reason and rude. Stress is one of the risk factors for several conditions. High blood pressure being one of them.

Some of the peaceful ways to resolve conflict are:

  1. Calmly talk about it and in case you cannot calmly talk about it at that moment, excuse yourself and resume the conversation when your temper is out of control.
  2. It’s not a competition. Going into an argument with the mentality that you want to win will destroy the relationship. Its about meeting halfway, not winning the argument.
  3. Know your trigger points and avoid them. If you know that your partner is the type to use your words against you especially out of context in an argument, avoid exchanging words with them as this might escalate your temper and end in a disastrous way. Also, try to tell them beforehand that you do not like it so they can curb it or even better stop entirely.
  4. Don’t be afraid to involve a third party when things sprawl out of control.

Lastly, a caveat for those women who ignore the tell-tale signs of a violent lover, better to be safe than sorry. Below are some of the warning signs also, suggestions of how to tackle this issue will be highly appreciated and acted upon.

If you’d like to share you story please text me 0727946060 or email me at ybritty@gmail.com. It can be done anonymously. Don’t be ashamed of your story, it will inspire others.

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